Category: absurd

The Day My Kid Went Punk

November 23rd, 2014

I missed this Afterschool Special growing up, but it’s truly a (temporary spray-on hair color covered) gem. I highly recommend it.

Terry, the leading man, transforms instantaneously in an airport bathroom from an awkward orchestra geek to the world’s most innocuous punk. Is the resulting appearance-based prejudice he encounters a warning for parents to keep their children from going down this “bad” path, or a commentary on a shallow, judgmental society*?

*They make a point of having Terry save the day for a sad little girl with leg braces…by somehow materializing a doll with identical leg braces…while at a horse stable, after her mother is denied permission to just “strap her to a horse.” I’m not kidding.

Only one thing is certain: the special is entirely ineffective, and quite marvelously fails, at any of its possible aims. In other words: watch this ASAP.
Desktop Goodies 11/15

November 15th, 2014

I’ve always been fascinated by “visible” anatomy models. I finally have a kit, waiting to be built (it’s a real labor of love, as all the organs and parts are white and must be hand painted!). But I look forward to it. Here’s a classic:

Is he dead in the back of your van?

A lesser known medical condition…

Maybe it’s just me, but not once in my life have I thought I’d like to “relax” by having my breasts vibrate.

If you want to feel like a rainbow threw up on your bed, I’ve got the sheets for you! The lollipop (and satisfied smile) really makes this image.

Gorgeous pulp art illusion.

Octopus gargoyle! More buildings need these.

One of the most breathtaking sand sculptures I’ve ever seen.

This is a real book. Can you image, even in your wildest dreams, a more romantic title? Nevermind the fact that he appears to be strangling her.

Wow. Ads have come a long way. Now they only imply that people hate the sight of you.

Yes, please.

Most of us probably walk around having no idea how adorable baby llamas are. Now you know.

Caption contest: what is this bear telling her?
Crazy Vintage Diet Books

November 12th, 2014

The Sexy Pineapple Diet in Desktops Goodies: Crazy Book Edition inspired this spinoff post about some of the more absurd diet publications of years gone by (for the record, I’m sure many of today’s crazes will eventually be relegated to this category). I had to see what else was lurking in our culture’s weight conscious past. Caution: the final one is actually NSFW.

Oh, to blame every sorry sugar binge I’ve had on the Devil!

I LOVE the following two.

“Minimum of willpower!” Now that has an appeal!

THIS, on the other hand…

Ready to get ribald? No, you’re not ready for these. You’ve been warned.
I Don’t Get Fashion: 1970’s His N’ Hers

November 7th, 2014

I was only alive for mere months of the 70’s, so I did not have the benefit (detriment?) of seeing these fashions arise and fade organically with the changing times. It’s basically a given that anything worn in one time period will be reviled in another (then worn ironically by hipsters). But…was couples dressing really a thing?

This is, as far as I can tell, an actual catalog item, not a Roman Tarzan Baby Wrestling Champion costume.

I feel like the outfits on the left are what 70’s superheroes wore on their days off, if not too concerned with safeguarding a secret identity.

Did no one involved in this entire photoshoot notice that something is missing here? This is not how one leaves leaves the house for (presumably, by the background image) a boat ride.

“We’re soulmates. We finish each other’s sen…sible mint green mini dress sweaters.”

This is what happens when you overshoot the mark after practicing your Catalog Faces too hard.

See more here.
Desktop Goodies: Crazy Book Edition

September 26th, 2014

My apologies if any of these are repeats. I may have posted one or two of them and accidentally re-saved, but I’m pretty sure almost all of these are new to the blog.

Don’t get me wrong; the best things in life are truly free…but just in case, there’s a book for people who care enough to do the very least.

This poor man looks like he’s happy as he prepares his wife for the reaping of grim death.

I wonder how long this book is. How much can be written about this particular subject? Chapter one: turn on water. Chapter two: turn off water. Chapter three: sit in water. Chapter four: get out of water. Did I just write a book?

Suspend your disbelief…

It might be difficult for those without a corporeal form to get their hands on this book (literally, I guess). But it’s good to be prepared.

Best autobiography title I’ve ever seen:

We all do it:

I have the power to walk through my house in a sheer negligee with a bouquet of flowers…

“Erogetic” appears to be a word entirely made up for the sake of this book. But a picture is worth a thousand words.
Sue Teller

August 31st, 2014

This woman is beyond awesome; a renegade in the stuffy old world of granny crafts, with more spunk and spirit than most people 1/4 her age. And it’s not just the fact that she seems perpetually hopped up on Mountain Dew. She’s a genuine badass.

I wish there were more videos, but alas, Mrs. Teller only came out with a couple of them.

(Thanks, Bettie!)
Absurd Books of the Week

August 26th, 2014

I was recently given links to two of the most absurd pieces of literature I’ve ever laid eyes on (avert your eyes, children).

As far as I can tell, this little morsel of biblio-beastiality was written unironically. Not only is it sold out on Amazon, but the reviews are strikingly positive.

And…brace yourselves…THIS is also real.

If you can’t read that clearly, it’s: How to Good-Bye Depression: If You Constrict Anus 100 Times Everyday. Malarkey? or Effective Way?

Here is the author synopsis.

I think constricting anus 100 times and denting navel 100 times in succession everyday is effective to good-bye depression and take back youth. You can do so at a boring meeting or in a subway. I have known a 70-year-old man who has practiced it for 20 years. As a result, he has a good complexion and has grown 20 years younger. His eyes sparkle. He is full of vigor, happiness and joy. He has neither complained nor born a grudge under any circumstance. Furthermore, he can make #### three times in succession without drawing out.

In addition, he also can have burned a strong, beautiful fire within his abdomen. It can burn out the dirty stickiness of his body, release his immaterial fiber or third attention, which has been confined to his stickiness. Then, he can shoot out his immaterial fiber or third attention to an object, concentrate on it and attain happy lucky feeling through the success of concentration.

If you don’t know concentration, which gives you peculiar pleasure, your life looks like hell.

If you see an unbelievable book (vintage or current), please share! I’ll do occasional roundups and credit all contributors.

(Thank you for these great links, Ryogue!)
Floating in the Spam River…

August 24th, 2014

I had a problem with wordpress recently, and no comments or notifications for this blog were sent to me for months (sorry if you left a comment and didn’t get a response! It should be fixed now). I’m also drowning in massive piles of spam comments that are very tedious to weed through in order to get the real messages. But some of them are so nonsensical and entertaining that they actually work as material for the blog itself.

Observe:

Here’s a favorite:

For a while, I was getting random facebook comments people left for each other…as comments to my posts. I was smothered in things like “Hey Nicole! Great to see you at the gym the other day!” Not sure how or why that could even happen.

And the ever-popular topic of conversation (click to enlarge):
Forbidden Transmission

August 11th, 2014

I try not to post long videos here. I understand that everyone is busy (and I personally rarely take the time to watch lengthy videos I come across while browsing online…even if they look interesting). BUT…children of the 70’s, 80’s and 90’s…these are worth your time.

The creators have taken (often embarrassing, highly dated, yet in some cases enjoyably nostalgic) clips from bygone TV days and edited them together in themed compilations. I laughed out loud multiple times.

Do not miss the video that begins at 8:00 in Cultural Meltdown. I ferociously googled the lyrics to find out more about this song and nothing came up. But look and listen!

Yeah, that’s the nature of the beast
Keeper of the male persona
Yeah that’s the nature of the beast
Keeper of my status quota

“Status quota?” What does that even mean? Don’t you want to rush to the 8 minute mark now?

There are a bunch of others I intend to watch as well! Thank you, GD, for finding these!
Desktop Goodies 7/25

July 25th, 2014

I apologize if I’ve posted some of these before. I forgot to clean out my “desktop goodies” folder and I may be repeating myself (though I don’t think so). Either way, these treasures are worth seeing.

This is real!

I’ve seen fortune teller automata before, but never Puss in Boots. He sees straight into your soul. It burns.

Take a moment to really absorb and digest this book. This may be one of the most horribly absurd things I’ve seen, and that’s saying something.

I love this headstone. If I am interred, I hope I get a lot of reading done down there.

Famous monster candle making? Sign me up!

Need I comment on this? I think not.

Where’s the bumper sticker that says MY OTHER CAR IS A FLOWER COVERED CARRIAGE STEERED BY A GIANT DEER HEAD?

Dr. Coffins wonders why his private practice attracts very few patients.

Talk about a niche market!

Best caption ever.

In closing, we must all ask ourselves…