Absurd Books of the Week

I was recently given links to two of the most absurd pieces of literature I’ve ever laid eyes on (avert your eyes, children).

As far as I can tell, this little morsel of biblio-beastiality was written unironically. Not only is it sold out on Amazon, but the reviews are strikingly positive.
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And…brace yourselves…THIS is also real.

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If you can’t read that clearly, it’s: How to Good-Bye Depression: If You Constrict Anus 100 Times Everyday. Malarkey? or Effective Way?

Here is the author synopsis.

I think constricting anus 100 times and denting navel 100 times in succession everyday is effective to good-bye depression and take back youth. You can do so at a boring meeting or in a subway. I have known a 70-year-old man who has practiced it for 20 years. As a result, he has a good complexion and has grown 20 years younger. His eyes sparkle. He is full of vigor, happiness and joy. He has neither complained nor born a grudge under any circumstance. Furthermore, he can make #### three times in succession without drawing out.

In addition, he also can have burned a strong, beautiful fire within his abdomen. It can burn out the dirty stickiness of his body, release his immaterial fiber or third attention, which has been confined to his stickiness. Then, he can shoot out his immaterial fiber or third attention to an object, concentrate on it and attain happy lucky feeling through the success of concentration.

If you don’t know concentration, which gives you peculiar pleasure, your life looks like hell.

If you see an unbelievable book (vintage or current), please share! I’ll do occasional roundups and credit all contributors.

(Thank you for these great links, Ryogue!)

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12 Responses to “Absurd Books of the Week”

  1. bettiemuldoon Says:

    Goodness. I hope she had the bear declawed!

    Hmm. I tried constricting my anus 500 times and I succeeded in only one thing. As Mr. Nishigacki predicted, I had to “make #### three times in succession.”

  2. Fifty Shades of Brown Bear.

  3. wow! (i have no words)

  4. You have reminded me of something, and now I can’t find it. Surely it must be somewhere. In a Barbara Hershey movie (I thought it was The Stuntman, but no luck), there was an erotic music box with an erotic bear automaton. A girl on a swing facing a standing bear, and on the down swing, she and the bear, er, “connect.” This is gonna drive me nuts until I find it.

  5. shewalkssoftly Says:

    GAAAAAAAH! The bear has his tongue out, which somehow makes the whole thing appear even more lascivious.

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