SheWalksSoftly

Hey everyone! It’s been quite a while since my last update. I have I made the arduous journey back to LA from the Stanford Hospital area (near San Francisco) and am settled at my dad’s place…indefinitely (though I dream of getting back to NY by summer).

So here I am at a fascinating crossroads…leaving my 5 year quest for meds behind in favor of mind-body techniques, physical therapy and a nutritionist. They offer the one thing I need above all else: BELIEF. Genuine, hardcore belief in my ability to kick this illness.

Though I’ve only just begun, I could not have asked for a better match in a therapist. We have the exact same beliefs about everything, and will be using our love of quantum/spiritual/energy work in our sessions. A little healing sorcery! 😉 Being on the same wavelength with a practitioner of this kind is so important. I think together we can tap into amazing potential. And since she is basically what I am aspiring to be when I get in practice myself, I feel like it is treatment and mentorship combined!

I’ve had one physical therapy session so far. The practitioner works with a technique called visceral manipulation, designed to help the countless strictures and adhesions I now have in my upper body due to all the surgery (my body has literally been pulled INCHES out of proper alignment due to all the tension and constrictive scar tissue…my skeleton rests at funky, twisty angles! I think the whole right side of my body is trying to mutiny and escape!) This needs to be dealt with before I can actually get strength back. I’ll report back later on how well it’s working.

The bad news: my jaw pain is still out of control…as if I get bashed with a giant sledgehammer every day (hmmm…that got the Peter Gabriel song in my head… what a great video that song had). Oh okay, Who am I kidding? The rest of my pain is still totally out of control too.

BUT…I was able to start eating again and gain some weight. There is still no abdominal surgery on the radar right now (which would have posed the biggest threat to my life). I am using my hands for teeny tiny things I haven’t been able to do in well over a year, such is use real utensils, open the occasional container on my own, write a few sentences (etc.). Things like washing my hair have become slightly easier. Two months ago, I had to use a wheelchair for many doctor appointments because I could barely walk the small spaces in the office. But every single day I painstakingly try to add just a couple of steps and I have, against the odds, worked my way up to 18 minutes of walking a day, and counting! To all the docs who thought I’d never recover, I happily say: in your FACE! 🙂

So I could choose to dwell on the fact that my pain still prohibits me from communicating and doing pretty much any activity at all. Or I could look at the past 2 months and realize that, when you’re basically dying, small change is huge change. The fact that I can walk again a little bit, without the help of any medication, shows that change IS possible. It may be slow,and I may have setbacks, but I’m going to find a way to come out of this!

Missing you guys is the one thing that really gets harder for me over time. Whenever I get upset I just try to channel that into positive, loving energy toward you all instead. I’ve always felt the most “myself” during the holiday season because I spent months immersed in creative gift making, finding special surprises for people, writing sentimental cards to honor my friendships…and by this time next year I hope to be back at it. Bear with me, guys! Tenaciously trying…

I love you all dearly…always wishing great things…please update me on YOU!

Love,

Dana