This goes on my list of “things I’d love to have in my future office.”
This cube is the work of Jason Freeny, master of fantastic cartoonish anatomical creations.
Tag: toys
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It’s been a while since I’ve done a thrift horror post, so here are a few recent goodies.
Is there a medical condition that causes two-tone bodies?
Two words: Wolf Eyes (and I ain’t talking about the band).
Frankenbunny…the perfect toy for undead children (that “cotton tail” almost looks like something is bubbling out of him *shudder*).
Pilgrim Children…of the Damned.
Ow. It hurts to look at these. Streeeeeeeetch….
“Oh honey…I want a portrait to remember you just as you are now…crying and depressed.”
Santa is either drunk, or serious about his Pilates routine.
And speaking of Santa, here he is incorporated into a mind-blowingly bizarre tribute (I almost feel offended by this…but I’m not exactly sure how).
What the…?
Look at this shifty-eyed, shady bear! Lecherous creature! Hide your children.
I always pictured Jesus as a fat lumberjack.
Today’s forecast: cheesy with a chance of scattered awful.
Some things cannot be unseen…
I find this idea cruel, actually. Don’t tease me with your pastry realism.
Party Aardvark bids you farewell…
Most images taken from here.
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On any given day, I’m guilty of countless curiosity tangents. After seeing one word or image that strikes me, I’m liable to spend (too much) time in search of related images, information and anecdotes.
Today? VINTAGE STRONGMEN, inspired by these bandages seen on Swissmiss:
Outlets for the general fascination with physical strength shape-shift through generations, but the fascination itself appears to be a constant of the human experience.
Since images like the ones above are easy enough to search out (if you’re so inclined…which you’re probably not), I’m going to focus on a few of the things that surprised me in my strongman odyssey.
I came across many more dolls and toys than I expected. Particularly modern ones. There’s a strongman revival in the works, folks. Believe it.
Perhaps the toy trend comes from the recent hipster adoption and pop culture resurrection of the handlebar moustache.
They just kept popping up!
Inherently contradictory paper strongman:
Awww…
There are a variety of vintage toys as well.
No idea about this one…
I really wonder what this old “Rover” LP sounds like:
For those who wanted to measure their own “strongmanity” (my adjective describing one’s degree of strongman attributes):
Lou has Muscles and Might (though surprisingly weak ankles):
Mildly uncomfortable…
More uncomfortable…
Best left unexplored, really…
Yearning to know more? Try a Composite Guide.
There were indeed comic representations too, but that’s a whole other story.
I’ll wrap it up here with a classic poster.
You’ll find the greatest wealth of images on Oldtime Strongman (I didn’t take images from the site for this post because I found the logos distracting to look at, but much effort clearly went into this site).
This post is dedicated to the mighty Buff Jenkins, who has helped me loosen many a jar lid. May your tankinis always be striped and well-fitted!
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Today I give you the results of this year’s Web scouring for the most absurd and disconcerting thrift store renditions of Santa Claus.
Because eyes are overrated anyway…
Especially anatomically correct eyes.
Actually, who needs a face, period?
When you have a face, things like THIS can happen:
He sees you when you’re sleeping, kiddies…
“Very superstitious…writings on the wall…”
I sense tragic comedy waiting to happen if THIS fellow ever attempted toy delivery:
No, this is not an intentional “craftastrophe.” I promise. It was found at a regular market (in the Twilight Zone?).
What? Santa is secure enough in his masculinity to wear pink and glow.
This post was brought to you by MAYBELLINE JESUS!
Be sure to check out:
Holiday Horrors Week: Santas
Image Odyssey: Scary Santa (Inanimate Object Version)
Serving in Santa -
I love this concept from VISEone for Brooklyn’s Almighty Dunny Show.
I do enjoy a good anthropomorphic glob, now and then!
For those unfamiliar with Dunnys, they are smooth, white, curved rabbit-like creatures designed as a “blank canvas” toy to be customized. You can see some here.
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I have some holiday themed images floating on my desktop right now, but lets have a look at some of the regular (if such a a word can be used in this case) first.
First, a new piece by Camille Rose Garcia, whom I’ve posted about here, here and here.
[Insert split personality joke for the following]
Damn right:
The perils of waiting too long…
I’m not sure if this is how the “birth” of ideas really works.
Artistically rendered territory of taste:
The “Autobeautifier:”
And for those who prefer to practice beauty techniques with their own hands…
A couple for the pessimists…
This image is actually a giant sea monster projectile vomiting thousands of human bodies. Whoa, indeed.
We’ll finish off with some beautiful projectile vomit by TYPOE
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I know it’s cruel to post a long-discontinued item in the heart of the year’s most hectic shopping period. My apologies to anyone who would immediately add Milky the Marvelous Milking Cow to their shopping or wish list.
Here we have a plastic cow that “drinks” water from a trough (meaning, you put its head down and it acts like a vacuum hose), which then mixes with imitation milk tablets housed in its stomach.
The luscious, giant cow lips and come-hither stare are unnerving. I feel…dirty.
And the final product is not exactly appetizing.
Purely from a collector standpoint, these must be rather valuable.
Watch the commercial, if you dare:
And if your thirst for retro toy horror has not been quenched, why not visit Baby Alive? Or the Baby Alive follow up post?
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Christmas came early for me this year, in the form of a truly awesome series of collector’s edition postcards from Wind Up Dreams and Vinyl Nightmares.
I think I’m going to have them framed because I doubt I could actually part with them and send them off as regular postcards.
Some of you may recall my previous post about John Purlia’s haven of incredible kitch and ephemera. He has put together some of my favorite photos of vintage toys and assorted goodies.
John’s Etsy store features a variety of prints ranging from reasonably priced glossy photos to limited edition collectors items.
In addition, I’m thrilled to welcome Wind Up Dreams and Vinyl Nightmares as a SheWalksSoftly sponsor (check out the nifty sidebar link)! It’s really my pleasure to promote artists whose work I enjoy so much.
Visit the website and the Etsy site.
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Running an errand at Target yesterday, I passed this gem amidst the aisles of homogenized, CGI graphic infested toys:
Isn’t that great? What a colorful, nightmarish device…reminiscent of a carnival funhouse entrance.
This toy inspired me to explore some actual funhouse entrances in an image odyssey. Here are a few…
I’m sure there are plenty of great carnival images out there. If anyone has great ones to share, please send them my way.
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Tom Pritchard has one of the most amazing collections of Halloween artifacts I’ve ever come across. I’m a collector of many things…but I don’t collect anything formally, so I always admire the thoroughness and dedication it takes to put together a personal showcase like this.
German lanterns:
American lanterns:
Candy containers:
German noisemakers:
Pre-war masks:
Post-war masks:
These are only the title page images. See individual pieces and room displays here.
SheWalksSoftly 