Desktop Goodies 9/17

Be warned:
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Sometimes I write fictional surrealist resumes in my head just for fun. I’m definitely adding “Can appear as a disembodied head and hypnotize crocodiles” to my skill set.
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The daintiest amphibious juggler.
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There is something very wrong with this cat’s hind quarters (or maybe very right as far as he’s concerned).
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An unlikely friendship, indeed.
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There are not nearly enough meat puns in the sentimental postcard industry.
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So delightfully subtle…until you step in the wrong spot, that is.
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Thank you, Rachel, for these next two. I’ll quote her here: “No means NO, Jesus!”
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…but this is a sweater that many can afford. (I’m sure this man’s parrot has become clinically depressed from living with him).
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Genuinely creepy. Not sure where this comes from. Hell, presumably.
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I was going to write an individual comment for each of these, but they kind of work as a dyad.
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I spent a while trying to figure out this “twelfth finger” thing. Does anyone get it?
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Now, a giant chicken absconding with a child, anyone can understand.
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2 Responses to “Desktop Goodies 9/17”

  1. On the subject of surreal resumes, once, when working a career fair I was handed what on the surface appeared to be a very professional resume — Masters in Electrical Engineering from U of Michigan, JD from Stanford… MD from Johns Hopkins. Interesting! But as I scanned the resume further, I discovered these gems:

    Holder of 92 patents
    Inventor of the teleporter
    NBA Scoring champion (3 times)
    President of the United States (2 terms, one 4 years the other 8 and separated by 4 years)
    Performed the world’s first successful (!) head transplant

    And somewhere in there — given that most applicants had waited outside in the rain for 2 hours prior to the fair — I realized that the gleeful man I was shaking hands with was TOTALLY CRAZY! I quickly pulled an Animal House and ushered him over to “meet Gary from HR. I’m pretty sure I still have the resume somewhere in all of my old work papers.

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