Desktop Goodies 9/17

Be warned:

Sometimes I write fictional surrealist resumes in my head just for fun. I’m definitely adding “Can appear as a disembodied head and hypnotize crocodiles” to my skill set.

The daintiest amphibious juggler.

There is something very wrong with this cat’s hind quarters (or maybe very right as far as he’s concerned).

An unlikely friendship, indeed.

There are not nearly enough meat puns in the sentimental postcard industry.

So delightfully subtle…until you step in the wrong spot, that is.

Thank you, Rachel, for these next two. I’ll quote her here: “No means NO, Jesus!”

…but this is a sweater that many can afford. (I’m sure this man’s parrot has become clinically depressed from living with him).

Genuinely creepy. Not sure where this comes from. Hell, presumably.

I was going to write an individual comment for each of these, but they kind of work as a dyad.


I spent a while trying to figure out this “twelfth finger” thing. Does anyone get it?

Now, a giant chicken absconding with a child, anyone can understand.


2 Responses to “Desktop Goodies 9/17”

  1. On the subject of surreal resumes, once, when working a career fair I was handed what on the surface appeared to be a very professional resume — Masters in Electrical Engineering from U of Michigan, JD from Stanford… MD from Johns Hopkins. Interesting! But as I scanned the resume further, I discovered these gems:

    Holder of 92 patents
    Inventor of the teleporter
    NBA Scoring champion (3 times)
    President of the United States (2 terms, one 4 years the other 8 and separated by 4 years)
    Performed the world’s first successful (!) head transplant

    And somewhere in there — given that most applicants had waited outside in the rain for 2 hours prior to the fair — I realized that the gleeful man I was shaking hands with was TOTALLY CRAZY! I quickly pulled an Animal House and ushered him over to “meet Gary from HR. I’m pretty sure I still have the resume somewhere in all of my old work papers.

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