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Desktop Goodies 1/14

Posted in absurd, advertising, anthropomorphic, art, Books, craft, creatures, food, humor, nature, photography, sea, skulls and skeletons, vintage with tags absurd, advertising, anthropomorphic, art, Books, craft, creatures, humor, nature, photography, sea, skulls and skeletons, vintage on January 14, 2015 by shewalkssoftly

How NOT to decorate your lobster. I call this Stairway to Hell.

Gorgeous carving work.

Enchanting…

Intriguing…

If only humans could leave behind the tangible structure of their own transformations to look back on.

I love how one happy consumer claims that a tablet of soap whittled her waist from 62 to 48 inches.

But some old ads EMBRACED a little junk in the trunk (how anyone thought the name “CHUBETTES” was a winner for a clothing line, I do not know).

Tick tock…

Adorable little skelly and her pet!

This is amazing in so many ways. Was this mushroom an official mascot of some sort, or just a damn fine costume?

This looks like something a child would paint in art class.

Everybody dance now!

Best search query of the week: “Why is Nicholas Cage on the cover of a Serbian Biology textbook?”

8 Comments »

It’s a Swing Wing!

Posted in absurd, advertising, toys, vintage with tags absurd, advertising, toys, vintage on December 29, 2014 by shewalkssoftly

“It’s a WHAT?”, the commercial inquires. An appropriate exclamation for the Swing Wing, as it almost touches effectively upon the sense of bafflement one experiences upon viewing it.

What I have to say about this item was neatly summarized in my response to the loved one who shared it:

D: So…enough people really thought this whiplash-inducing device was a good idea to get the thing patented?

“Mommy, I want to play.”

“Ok darling! Go thrash your head violently and whip your own eyeballs. Here’s a cat o’ nine tails on a hat.”

C: Evidently yes! In fact, cut & paste that hypothetical conversation alongside this video and you’ve got yourself a tidy little SWS post, eh?

Also from Transogram, their patent-pending Bouncy Running Scissors and Kooky Box O’ Glass Shards. Just kidding. Or maybe not…I don’t know what else they made.

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Holiday Desktop Goodies 12/23

Posted in advertising, art, humor with tags advertising, art, food, humor, illustration, photography, sci-fi, vintage on December 23, 2014 by shewalkssoftly

“He sees you when you’re sleeping. He knows when you’re awake. He knows if you’ve been bad or good, so be good, or he’ll crush your car with his gargantuan hands as you drive.”

I’m not usually into tinsel, but this is absolutely stunning. It looks like real shimmering icicles.

Ah, that is the question:

Walking in a Winter Wonder Lard.

And now for some nifty Christmas art.

That ornament is about to be pawed to the floor and shattered.

Yikes.

Vincent price goes tree shopping!

Gingerbread Enterprise! (Dedicated to my dad and our many nights watching Star Trek TNG when I was a kid)

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Holiday Desktop Goodies 12/18

Posted in absurd, advertising, candy coated nightmares, christmas, dolls, ephemera, food, humor, kitsch, monsters, photography, vintage with tags absurd, advertising, candy coated nightmares, cats, christmas, dolls, ephemera, food, humor, kitsch, monsters, photography, vintage on December 18, 2014 by shewalkssoftly

I think a series of all of the Haunted Mansion Grim Grinning Ghosts would make an excellent ornament collection.

This image is just perfect: happy tan lady with happy man, angry pale lady, pale lady’s partner not-so-inconspicuously eying her sunkissed rival. Don’tyou want a sun lamp now?

Amazing relationship advice from the folks at Dormeyer: use tears to manipulate your husband into purchasing household items. Maybe if I fake a sense of victimhood I can score a toaster this Christmas.

A man who knows what he wants (even the big Kewpie is looking at him like “Seriously, dude?”):

Holy hell…

How to traumatize birds:

And by “Merry” I mean “there are bodies in the basement:”

This drenched, freezing Yeti standing in a flood may be the most depressing card ever.

The pudding has broken out in fluid filled pustules.

And now for the piece de resitance (don’t gloss over this one. Take in every detail):

2 Comments »

Desktop Goodies 11/15

Posted in absurd, advertising, anatomy, art, Books, candy coated nightmares, humor, sculpture, sea, vintage with tags absurd, advertising, anatomy, architecture, art, Books, candy coated nightmares, dolls, humor, sculpture, sea, vintage on November 15, 2014 by shewalkssoftly

I’ve always been fascinated by “visible” anatomy models. I finally have a kit, waiting to be built (it’s a real labor of love, as all the organs and parts are white and must be hand painted!). But I look forward to it. Here’s a classic:

Is he dead in the back of your van?

A lesser known medical condition…

Maybe it’s just me, but not once in my life have I thought I’d like to “relax” by having my breasts vibrate.

If you want to feel like a rainbow threw up on your bed, I’ve got the sheets for you! The lollipop (and satisfied smile) really makes this image.

Gorgeous pulp art illusion.

Octopus gargoyle! More buildings need these.

One of the most breathtaking sand sculptures I’ve ever seen.

This is a real book. Can you image, even in your wildest dreams, a more romantic title? Nevermind the fact that he appears to be strangling her.

Wow. Ads have come a long way. Now they only imply that people hate the sight of you.

Yes, please.

Most of us probably walk around having no idea how adorable baby llamas are. Now you know.

Caption contest: what is this bear telling her?

12 Comments »

I Don’t Get Fashion: 1970’s His N’ Hers

Posted in absurd, advertising, clothing, fashion, humor, retro, vintage with tags absurd, advertising, clothing, fashion, humor, retro, vintage on November 7, 2014 by shewalkssoftly

I was only alive for mere months of the 70’s, so I did not have the benefit (detriment?) of seeing these fashions arise and fade organically with the changing times. It’s basically a given that anything worn in one time period will be reviled in another (then worn ironically by hipsters). But…was couples dressing really a thing?

This is, as far as I can tell, an actual catalog item, not a Roman Tarzan Baby Wrestling Champion costume.

I feel like the outfits on the left are what 70’s superheroes wore on their days off, if not too concerned with safeguarding a secret identity.

Did no one involved in this entire photoshoot notice that something is missing here? This is not how one leaves leaves the house for (presumably, by the background image) a boat ride.

“We’re soulmates. We finish each other’s sen…sible mint green mini dress sweaters.”

This is what happens when you overshoot the mark after practicing your Catalog Faces too hard.

See more here.

8 Comments »

Halloween Countdown: Desktop Goodies

Posted in advertising, anatomy, art, craft, creatures, day of the dead, ephemera, halloween, horror, monsters, skulls and skeletons, undead, vintage with tags advertising, anatomy, art, craft, creatures, day of the dead, ephemera, halloween, horror, monsters, skulls and skeletons, undead, vintage on October 26, 2014 by shewalkssoftly

I’m in a rush today, and unfortunately do not have time to write the image commentary (which I so thoroughly enjoy) so feel free to chime in!

3 Comments »

Snik Snak

Posted in advertising, food, retro, vintage with tags advertising, food, retro, vintage on August 28, 2014 by shewalkssoftly

You’ve got to be kidding me. Really. (That was my reaction when I saw this product).

Did you know the delicious Kit Kat bar, made by Hersheys, once had a rival by the Mars candy company?

Milk chocolate around 3 layers of crisp wafers, packaged in break-off sticks. Look familiar? Aside from the ridiculously similar name, product specifics, and wrapper color scheme, Snik Snak’s catch phrase was “Take a break” as opposed to Kit Kat’s “Gimmie a break.” How Mars got away with this and it stayed on shelves for , I’ll never know!

I think the warped, horrible quality of the VHS commercial here only adds to it.

Source

7 Comments »

Fast Food Photoshop

Posted in advertising, food, soapbox, vintage with tags advertising, food, soapbox, vintage on June 11, 2014 by shewalkssoftly

What you see below is an actual ad for a Burger Chef hamburger (Mad Men fans, Burger Chef is a real company!). I think this is excellent; what you see is what you get. I’m pretty damn sure this is an accurate representation of the item. They didn’t even bother to strategically place the onions in a relatively even distribution. The burger is smaller than the bun. A lone pickle slice graces the nucleus of the burger structure.

Over 50 years later, fast food recipes have not changed all that much (save for much larger portions). But we DO have one secret ingredient that makes a monumental difference: PHOTOSHOP.

Enter the Burger King Whopper. Look at that flame broiled, juicy patty extending past the bun, residing under a veritable tower of fresh, shiny, crunchy produce. The edge of the tomato slice even has perfect little water droplets on it (has anyone EVER seen that in real life?)!

I find it fascinating that even FOOD is subject to the unrealistic ideals increasingly created/perpetuated by the media. It’s startling to view pictures of what was considered “attractive” just half a century ago, human or otherwise. There is an ever-widening rift between what actual humans and products look like and the fabricated hyperrealistic “paintings” that have taken the place of photographs (I was going to post some human examples, but you get the idea!).

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