Absurd Books of the Week
I was recently given links to two of the most absurd pieces of literature I’ve ever laid eyes on (avert your eyes, children).
As far as I can tell, this little morsel of biblio-beastiality was written unironically. Not only is it sold out on Amazon, but the reviews are strikingly positive.
And…brace yourselves…THIS is also real.
If you can’t read that clearly, it’s: How to Good-Bye Depression: If You Constrict Anus 100 Times Everyday. Malarkey? or Effective Way?
Here is the author synopsis.
I think constricting anus 100 times and denting navel 100 times in succession everyday is effective to good-bye depression and take back youth. You can do so at a boring meeting or in a subway. I have known a 70-year-old man who has practiced it for 20 years. As a result, he has a good complexion and has grown 20 years younger. His eyes sparkle. He is full of vigor, happiness and joy. He has neither complained nor born a grudge under any circumstance. Furthermore, he can make #### three times in succession without drawing out.
In addition, he also can have burned a strong, beautiful fire within his abdomen. It can burn out the dirty stickiness of his body, release his immaterial fiber or third attention, which has been confined to his stickiness. Then, he can shoot out his immaterial fiber or third attention to an object, concentrate on it and attain happy lucky feeling through the success of concentration.
If you don’t know concentration, which gives you peculiar pleasure, your life looks like hell.
If you see an unbelievable book (vintage or current), please share! I’ll do occasional roundups and credit all contributors.
(Thank you for these great links, Ryogue!)
SheWalksSoftly 
August 27, 2014 at 1:19 am
Goodness. I hope she had the bear declawed!
Hmm. I tried constricting my anus 500 times and I succeeded in only one thing. As Mr. Nishigacki predicted, I had to “make #### three times in succession.”
August 27, 2014 at 1:27 am
Bettie, Haha! Yes, but you were cheerier after taking a load off your mind.
August 27, 2014 at 1:23 am
Fifty Shades of Brown Bear.
August 27, 2014 at 2:03 pm
wow! (i have no words)
September 14, 2014 at 2:23 pm
You have reminded me of something, and now I can’t find it. Surely it must be somewhere. In a Barbara Hershey movie (I thought it was The Stuntman, but no luck), there was an erotic music box with an erotic bear automaton. A girl on a swing facing a standing bear, and on the down swing, she and the bear, er, “connect.” This is gonna drive me nuts until I find it.
September 14, 2014 at 7:06 pm
Oh Cat, you have to send that to me if you find it (for ironic, humorous reasons…not fetishistic ones, I assure you).
September 14, 2014 at 9:29 pm
It’s bugging me so much I posted it to Ask Metafilter. We’ll see if the hivemind can find it.
September 15, 2014 at 4:08 pm
I was right, it was The Stunt Man. And someone was kind enough to get screen caps for me: http://imgur.com/a/THQfY
September 15, 2014 at 8:35 pm
I have…no words.
September 16, 2014 at 2:28 pm
It gets better. He made a gif: http://imgur.com/H27vKzw
September 16, 2014 at 5:39 pm
GAAAAAAAH! The bear has his tongue out, which somehow makes the whole thing appear even more lascivious.
September 17, 2014 at 1:53 am
Dana, if all you’re worried about is the tongue…. I am going to go wash my mind out with soap.