Image Odyssey: Awful Jesus Tattoos

I try to be an informed, responsible citizen and pay attention to the news. However, while browsing for important content that is somehow relevant to the state of the human condition, I came across something that The Internets deem quite newsworthy: Justin Bieber’s new Jesus tattoo.

So I figured there must be tons of awful Jesus tattoos out there. My search did not disappoint.

People of all religions or lack thereof…let us unite in our common faith in human beings…to make bad decisions.

Is this Jesus, Will Ferrell, or some kind of hybrid Ferrell Christ?

I don’t know what to say about this, other than “that’s a shame for everyone involved:”

Hm. Okay.

It looks like Jesus wears his sunglasses at night…

Just put the eyes *somewhere* on the face. Anywhere will do.

Easy, breezy, beautiful Cover Christ (Jesus is wearing Cover Girl smudge proof mascara, in “Film Noir”):

I’m speechless…I’m…sorry…I’m…uncomfortable and confused.

Poor Jesus looks so disgusted to be on this man’s head that he’s downright ill. I don’t blame him.

Same here:

Ready for a different twist? Jesus WITH a tattoo! Don’t like it? Tell it to his acid wash jeans!

Sadly, this post will probably get more hits (and disappointed viewers) than anything I’ve posted in years because it contains the words “Justin Bieber.”

18 Responses to “Image Odyssey: Awful Jesus Tattoos”

  1. I think the second one down (second after Bieber) is supposed to be Sully from Godsmack. Which is really sad.

  2. In response to “I’m speechless…I’m…sorry…I’m…uncomfortable and confused.” Where the hell is his genitals?! If she didn’t want Jesus’ junk on her back she should’ve just asked the tattoo artist to etch on some tight-ass jeans…. She made a strange tattoo even stranger!!! Great entry btw! Made me smile. 😀

    • shewalkssoftly Says:

      …and thanks to that last photo, we actually know what Jesus would look like in tight ass jeans!

      It looks like the whole bottom section of him in that confusing tattoo morphs into some kind of…muscular werewolf. Perhaps his reproductive organs are supposed to be under his hand? For…modesty?

      My brain hurts.

  3. Andy Clarke Says:

    I want a T-shirt of that Hello Kitty Jesus! Or a dartboard…

  4. Oh my… yes, I noticed the endowment of hair.. and yeah, werewolf did cross my mind. Straaaaaaaaaange. You could easily have a field day going through bad tattoos… there exists some amazingly awful stuff out there.

    • .. I just noticed the clawed hands on that particular Jesus.. wow. All I saw was hair, that alone said “werewolf.” The clawed hands however.. has me convinced that that was what she was indeed shooting for. Gotta love people… we wouldn’t have such colorful ideas to entertain us. I personally never would have dreamed of crossing Jesus with a werewolf…. lol Pretty amazing.

  5. Okay, one more thing.. I couldn’t help but notice that tattoo Jesus in his tight jeans looks suspiciously like Tim Daly.. y’know, that guy from wings. hah hah hah. All right, I’m done.

    • shewalkssoftly Says:

      Hahaha…Colleen, you are keeping me fabulously entertained this evening. Feel free to chime in with any new theories! I’ve never actually seen Wings, so I’ll have to look up pictures.

      So have we decided on werewolf Jesus for the hairy one? Maybe “sexy” werewolf Jesus because of the awkward muscles and indecently conspicuous lack of apparel?

  6. SaptarshiC Says:

    Hmm.. Is this an appropriate time to say O.M.G.?
    I’m from India, and if any of this happened here with Hindu deities, there would be hell to pay for (example: M.F. Hussain).

    • shewalkssoftly Says:

      Very good point, SaptarshiC. I do appreciate that Americans are free to “express themselves”…even if tattoos like these are the result!

  7. It’s amazing the sheer number of ways there are to be awful here!

    I’ve always wondered what it would be like to be extremely famous and utterly appalled at what your loving fans do for you.

    • shewalkssoftly Says:

      If there’s one thing I’ve learned in my years on this planet…people will always discover new, innovative ways to be awful. Luckily, sometimes it’s the best entertainment we’ve got.

  8. HAHA! Your humorous posts are SO funny because your commentary is spot-on! (Will Ferrell! Cover Christ! Again, HA!) And I’ve never seen such frightening Jesuses! Wow. And ew.

    • Anonymous Says:

      The funniest thing is that sometimes I completely miss pop culture references in my own commentary. Who knew that Ferrell Christ is actually supposed to be a nu-metal singer?

  9. These are all on the same person:

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