Holiday Horrors Week: Oh Jesus (a Megapost)

First, a frank inspirational tale:

It seems that Jesus is jumping on the “blackout eyes” trend, first made popular by nu-metal bands and horror movies.

Sometimes the best thing about the thrift store Jesus is its juxtaposition.
(photo credit: buddy stone)

Jesus shoots some hoops with the children:
(photo credit: frinkianz)

I’m trying really hard to understand the drastic chromatic choices…

Ah, every thrift store must have a bland, flatly painted Jesus. A lot of heart goes into these less than mediocre works.

Meet Action Jesus, complete with prominent nipples. Is the lavish pirate garb next to him an “outfit suggestion?”

Steph presented this to our friend Lee at the Holiday Abomination Party last week:

And THIS painted Jesus was a lovely gift to me (pardon the wrongly positioned Wiccan Chicken…we meant no offense. It was a multi-denominational event, accepting of all faiths!).

And SHELL ART JESUS, my personal favorite:


7 Responses to “Holiday Horrors Week: Oh Jesus (a Megapost)”

  1. ……-twitch-

    That was extremely odd. I knew people did weird stuff for religion (sorry to all faiths, but it’s true!) but this almost takes the cake.

    Amazing, as always!

  2. Jesus playing basketball with the kids….holy…er..nevermind. The Shell Art Jesus is seriously the strangest thing i’ve seen in a while.

  3. whoop! forgot to sign in.

  4. lindapendant Says:

    What is it about seashells that when applied to anything at all, ramp up the kitsch by one thousand percent?

  5. From the top of the page to the bottom, I enjoyed every Jesus. I can’t even choose a favorite. I can’t even choose words.

    But…you know me… of course I’ve got some comments:
    1) So Jesus didn’t die for our sins… he died because someone asked him how much he loves us?
    2) They say that the eyes are the windows to our soul.
    3) Both Jesus and ceramic duckie are looking up to heaven. Perhaps both are hoping they could fly?
    4) Wow. Jesus is so cool and awesome. He can even relate to modern kids. Bet he slam dunks better than Shaq!
    5) It’s Jesus and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat!
    6) Whoever did this Paint-by-number Jesus actually painted outside the lines and onto the frame!
    7) Oh Action Jesus, you’re such a hunk. I wonder what excites you so? You know you could use those nipples to cut right through that plastic wrap.
    8) Thank you Lee for wearing that tie. I’m sure there’s a place for you in Heaven.
    9) How can I NOT point out that Jesus is finger-f*cking the Wiccan Chicken? And I think the chicken is enjoying it.
    10) It’s not the shells that offend me. It’s the fact that Jesus’ loincloth rides up a little too high.

  6. A Good Read…

    Very helpful info thanks…

  7. You can buy the Heirloom Christmas Stockings book again (they reprinted it and it is only $ 19.99 now) and that has the North Woods scnokitg pattern in it. I bought the book on ebay before they reprinted it and paid a fortune for it. I am making my grandchildren heirloom scnokitgs from the book.

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