First, a frank inspirational tale:

It seems that Jesus is jumping on the “blackout eyes” trend, first made popular by nu-metal bands and horror movies.

Sometimes the best thing about the thrift store Jesus is its juxtaposition.

(photo credit: buddy stone)

Jesus shoots some hoops with the children:

(photo credit: frinkianz)

I’m trying really hard to understand the drastic chromatic choices…

Ah, every thrift store must have a bland, flatly painted Jesus. A lot of heart goes into these less than mediocre works.

Meet Action Jesus, complete with prominent nipples. Is the lavish pirate garb next to him an “outfit suggestion?”

Steph presented this to our friend Lee at the Holiday Abomination Party last week:

And THIS painted Jesus was a lovely gift to me (pardon the wrongly positioned Wiccan Chicken…we meant no offense. It was a multi-denominational event, accepting of all faiths!).

And SHELL ART JESUS, my personal favorite:

There are literally millions of hideous Santa creations floating around store shelves this time of year. I could not possibly narrow down the new ones (I like to call them Kitsch of the Future), so here are some thrift store finds:

For some reason, people tend to think it’s a good idea to construct decorative unholy chimeras, so I give you the anatomical monstrosity of Violin Santa. It hurts to be him (as indicated by his pained expression).

If you like your Santas brassy, faceless and spread-eagle…someone made an object just for you:

I can’t tell what I find more creepy: Santa’s lean, muscular cyclist physique, or his appearance of having something crammed high into his posterior.

Some people have NO discretion with their fake ice crystals. Santa was clearly just chipped from a block of ice…where he had been trapped lying dead for sometime.

Did someone give you a gourd this past fall, and you’re just now realizing how useless it is? Why not turn it into a subtly patriotic Santa (see American flag on bottom right)?

My thanks to drowningmermaid for providing some of these wonderful treats!

Ah, it’s time to bring the horror (and I definitely have some treats for you)! This looks like a sadistic plot, crafted by a cinematic serial killer.

Santa knows his number is up. He’s become complacent with his sorrowful fate.