The Eternal Ascent Society offers the release of your beloved’s cremains in a giant helium balloon. While this may appeal to the perpetually young at heart, I keep thinking of the moment the balloon inevitably bursts and casts a blizzard of death over the land. I have mild OCD, so I personally find being showered with dead people unpleasant.

As stated on the bottom of the picture, they’re opening franchises. So if you were thinking of of buying into a Subway or Yogurtland but feel these options don’t involve enough corpses, you might not want to miss the investment opportunity.

Remember the urban legend of Walt Disney getting crynogenically frozen (bonus myth: that his body was stored under Pirates of the Caribbean)? Well, he was cremated in 1966, but YOU can be frozen by Cryonics.

Cryonics is an experimental procedure that preserves a human being using the best available technology for the purpose of saving his/her life. We believe medical technology will advance further in coming decades than it has in the past several centuries, enabling it to heal damage at the cellular and molecular levels and to restore full physical and mental health.

This process poses some profound existential questions, so it’s actually worth looking through the site and forming your own opinion on the matter (you know, for when the topic inevitably comes up at parties…or is that only my circle of friends?).

My favorite part:

Cryonics isn’t a dude in a fancy a beer cooler.