This pretty much sums up the past decade of my life. I might have to make one of these.
Adorn your desk with one of these, lest you forget that life is nothing but an uphill battle and a pointless exercise in futility. Or imagine that the little guy really CAN push that big rock with ease.
Via Modern Mechanix.
I was in line at the drug store, and came across this little fellow in the checkout lane. Advertised as a lovable, hugable creature, this poor koala contains so little stuffing that he appears to be suffering from a terrible eating disorder. Here he is, lying down:
He just caves in on himself when he tries to sit up.
And now for the worst part…the spine:
Let’s hope koalas like this one don’t infiltrate the media, or koalas in the wild may start depriving themselves of Eucalyptus leaves in hopes of attaining an impossible ideal. My maternal instinct got the better of me, and I spent the dollar to bring him home.
Yes, I know. Christmas is long gone. But we don’t always play by the rules here on SheWalksSoftly. This post got lost in the holiday shuffle and is simply too entertaining to toss out.
Mercy Xmas, indeed! Is this unfortunate reindeer clutching his gut in abject agony, or is he holding a pile of something extremely unsavory?
This next one would go great in the wiry arms of my infamous Evil Santa:
If this one looks a tad “off,” it’s because the center of Santa’s face is stuck on upside down (though arguably this fellow has even bigger problems):
Maybe he’s born with it…maybe it’s Maybelline…
I can’t tell whether Santa fell off the roof, or is trapped in a glass case in some kind of horror flick scenario:
This one, on the other hand, is clearly a homicide:
I wish I could think of something clever to say about this lumpy, swirly abomination, but I suppose it speaks for itself:
From the fantastic Cake Wrecks, of course.
Unfortunately, I didn’t save the original source, but I love these vintage style holiday greetings…with a bit of acerbic wit.
I’ll finish off the week with some features from our own Holiday Abomination Party, held in Norristown, PA.
The tree was indeed unique, topped with the household deity of choice: The Flying Spaghetti Monster (handmade by Matt).
When you squeeze the chicken, a watery sack filled with an egg emerges from it’s nethers.
We called this “Pain Killer Penguin” since it glows a pulsating red like the human diagrams in nearly every medication commercial:
Tudurcken ornament ACTION SHOT!
I was blessed by a visit from the Ornament Fairy (a.k.a Steph) as I slept, and awoke to find myself (the none-too-happy face anyway) photoshopped into a Patrick Swayze embrace!
Of course, this is a reference to the famous MST3K Patrick Swayze Christmas Song (definitely worth seeing, if you haven’t).
We “opened up our hearts and let the Patrick Swayze Christmas in”…we wish him good health this season.
Now come along with me on our Turducken cooking journey…beginning here, with this sexy thing:
Looking like this somewhere in the middle…
See the process, start to finish, in these nicely chronicled PHOTOS.
The undisputed “star” of the party was internet sensation Chris Dane Owens. This video most certainly counts as a holiday abomination (actually, it’s an abomination for all seasons).
Printer was running out of ink, which adds to the lowbrow quality…
I’ll start with the *Rooftop Cake* from my local grocery circular, made by their “Master Bakers:”
Now we move along to a less ostentatious creation for the holiday minimalist:
Sticking a plastic head on something does not render it a “body.”
If holiday candles dripped blood…
It’s Christmas, and we know what that means…FROGS! Fresh from the dissecting table.
Gaze into the mesmerizing eyes of Svengali Santa!
Thanks to the wonderful Cake Wrecks for most of these!
I’m not sure how many people will stop by SheWalksSoftly today due to the holiday, but I’d like to give you some festive selections from Cake Wrecks to celebrate.
And now for the shameless recycling of Valentine’s Day containers…
I hope everyone has a wonderful Thanksgiving!
This post is dedicated to David E. in honor of his birthday. May you not have to endure a cake like any of the above!
Couched between pennysaver deals on gutter cleaning and spa treatments, I came across a baffling full page ad for THE SEXY SALAD.
Click on the website and you’ll find an animated bowl of greens, giving a provocative “come hither” stare and periodic smooches to the tune of cheesy synthesized stripper music.
I was thoroughly entertained by the arbitrary nature of the Sexy Salad concept, since one rarely ponders the erotic attributes of lettuce (and this is coming from someone who sites the opening credits of Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory as her favorite sex scene).
Overall, the place seems worth the 30 minute drive for me, if only to say I’ve eaten there:
Should you decide to browse their site, there is even a “sexy photo gallery”.
The image above should come up in standard search engine queries for that phrase.
The other night, I caught the 3rd installment of the Found Footage Festival. By the time I left, my face hurt from laughing.
In short: Joe Pickett and Nick Prueher began collecting found videotapes in 1991 after stumbling across a training video entitled, “Inside and Outside Custodial Duties” in a McDonald’s break room. Since then, they have compiled an impressive collection of strange, outrageous and profoundly stupid videos.
They introduce each segment and add commentary throughout the presentation (sure to appeal to my fellow Mystery Science Theater 3000 fans). It was pure genius.
Selections included public service announcements, kiddie programs, instructional videos, job training videos, fitness tapes, musical montages, and many other cinematic embarrassments.
I left the theater completely inspired to host my own Found Footage Festival!
It’s going to happen. Oh yes. So feel free to send me your ideas!
More info and tour schedule for the FFF here.
I apologize in advance for the following image, and further apologize for the terrifying truth that Jar Jar is made of POTATOES. Yes, this monstrosity was served as a meal.
I generally love innovative food creations, but this has simply gone too far.
SheWalksSoftly 