Archive for humor

Strange Remains Week: Helium Balloons and Deep Freeze

Posted in absurd, death, humor with tags , , on March 19, 2015 by shewalkssoftly

The Eternal Ascent Society offers the release of your beloved’s cremains in a giant helium balloon. While this may appeal to the perpetually young at heart, I keep thinking of the moment the balloon inevitably bursts and casts a blizzard of death over the land. I have mild OCD, so I personally find being showered with dead people unpleasant.

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As stated on the bottom of the picture, they’re opening franchises. So if you were thinking of of buying into a Subway or Yogurtland but feel these options don’t involve enough corpses, you might not want to miss the investment opportunity.

Remember the urban legend of Walt Disney getting crynogenically frozen (bonus myth: that his body was stored under Pirates of the Caribbean)? Well, he was cremated in 1966, but YOU can be frozen by Cryonics.

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Cryonics is an experimental procedure that preserves a human being using the best available technology for the purpose of saving his/her life. We believe medical technology will advance further in coming decades than it has in the past several centuries, enabling it to heal damage at the cellular and molecular levels and to restore full physical and mental health.

This process poses some profound existential questions, so it’s actually worth looking through the site and forming your own opinion on the matter (you know, for when the topic inevitably comes up at parties…or is that only my circle of friends?).

My favorite part:
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Cryonics isn’t a dude in a fancy a beer cooler.

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Rob Cantor: “Shia LaBoeuf”

Posted in humor, video with tags , on March 6, 2015 by shewalkssoftly

Drop everything to watch this video. Trust me. This musical number is a feat of genius on so many levels. I had a blistering migraine yesterday, but I was still laughing out loud during pretty much the entire thing. I could draw you in with absurdist descriptions, but I think the performance should just speak for itself.

(Thank you, B!)

Weird Valentines

Posted in anatomy, art, humor, valentine's day with tags , , , , on February 14, 2015 by shewalkssoftly

I give you my heart…
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David Vargas

I’ve seen a lot of Nicholas Cage valentines, but never one with the expert coloring this one has. Those lips…hot pink…
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This isn’t a Valentine at all, but it’s fun.
Capture

The perfect misanthrope cake.
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The only mustachioed volcano I’ve ever seen.
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Lest you think I forgot about the folks getting screwed over in a divorce at present:
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I could probably make a whole post about cards with some variation of this phrase:
valentinea

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And if you’re in the mood for some vintage Valentines, check out:
Vintage Valentines: Monsters and Undead
Vintage Valentines: Ghosts, Witches and Skeletons
Vintage Valentine Roundup: Masochistic, Murderous and Meaty

HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY!

Awkward Couple Photos

Posted in humor, photography, valentine's day with tags , , on February 13, 2015 by shewalkssoftly

To alleviate the awkwardness Valentine’s Day brings about for many of us, I offer a series of couples who are almost guaranteed to be more awkward than you are.

Easy, tiger.
Tigre

I can’t see anything in front of me except the afterimage of plaid, which is now burned into my retinas.

Kitsch

This picture has everything: attitude, questionable posing, mixed animal prints, and a killer devotional subtitle.
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I know you’re probably tired of seeing all the parakeet bayonet photos online…but just in case…
Guns

Listen, what you do with phallic fruit behind closed doors is your business, but nobody needs to see this.
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Is that a DRAGON in her hair?
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Awkward? Maybe. But I’d get a portrait like this is a heartbeat.
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Geeks in Love

Posted in geek, humor, music, valentine's day with tags , , , on February 12, 2015 by shewalkssoftly

We’re closing in on the day of the year that Hallmark has determined we should love each other. There are lots of standard hearts and flowers circulating the Interwebs right now, but here’s a tune for those of us whose tastes are a little…off center. This one is for my fellow geeks!  Celebrate your geek love.

Lyrics:
Nobody’s cool as we, nor quite as esoterically far out.
We’re so far out it’s creepy!
I don’t think they’ll ever get the groovy standards that we set for love,
but they’re not smart like we be.

They have no roses.
Subconsciously they envy us a lot.
They look down their noses and see a couple of dorks with more love than they have got!

When they see us holding hands, they wish that they were geeks in love.
And when they hear our favorite bands, they wish that they were geeks in love.
We rattle off our in-jokes while they wish that they were geeks in love.
And while we make each other smile, they wish that they were geeks in…

La la la,
la la la,
la-lubbidy da-diddy love.
La la la,
la la la,
ka-boominy whoah-nelly love.
La la la,
la la la,
ga-shibbidy-waffles-and-love.
La la la,
la la la, la love.

As far as I can tell, while other lovers go through hell,
we’ll know we’re too cool for damnation.
We may not be cutting edge, but we won’t take the mainstream pledge,
for we don’t need your admiration!

They may not show it, it doesn’t fit their made-up little roles.
They don’t even know it, but jealousy abounds within their souls.

When they see us on the street, they wish that they were geeks in love.
And when they hear us trick-or-treat, they wish that they were geeks in love.
As we lock arms and skip away, they wish that they were geeks in love.
And you can almost hear them say they wish that they were geeks in…

La la la,
la la la,
la-lubbidy-do-diddy-love.
La la la,
la la la,
fa-doobidy-ding-dong-love.
La la la,
la la la,
za-muppety-puppety-love.
La la la,
la la la,
sha-peppity-bismol-love.
La la la,
la la la,
a-bubbly-lava-lamp-love.
La la la,
la la la,
ma-spockity-nimoy-love.
La la la,
la la la,
da-ponkity-ponkity-love.
La la la,
la la la,
geekity-geekity-geeks in love.

Geeks in loooove.

Desktop Goodies: 2/4

Posted in 80's, absurd, advertising, anatomy, anthropomorphic, art, Books, humor, medicine, oddities, robots, sea, skulls and skeletons, taxidermy, vintage with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 4, 2015 by shewalkssoftly

You’re being welcomed into this post by anthropomorphic hotdog with breasts.
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As far as I can tell, this is a real vintage ad. Probably one of the most jaw-dropping examples I’ve seen.
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Imagine this is what you’re really standing on.
Coffe

I prefer my tables without testicles.
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Don’t miss the other title by this author on the bottom.
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For “elegant women of refinement and taste.”
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Just your average note-wielding mouse on a lobster.
Lobster Jockey

I’m not sure what’s going on here. Is this a medical assistance device? Unless it’s equipped with some sort of pulley mechanism to lift bodies in need, I see very little purpose for lying on something LESS comfortable, a few inches above something designed for lying on.
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And now, in today’s installment of unappealing instructional material…Meet the man who can tell you how to lick pimples.
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Haunted…
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In conclusion, cats are the cure for everything.
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Story from North America

Posted in animation, humor, music with tags , , on February 2, 2015 by shewalkssoftly

I woke to this video in my gmail this morning. Brilliance. It’s got a kid with three front teeth, a giant spider, and a bearded patriarch in an unflattering undergarment whose nose (and at times, nipples) move independently of his body. Despite that description, it’s not as NSFW as it sounds. I think.

I now must resist the temptation to counter all “What if” arguments with “What if the world was made of pudding?”

Thanks, Casey!

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