Archive for humor

Strange Remains Week: Fireworks, Bullets, Hourglasses andTattoos

Posted in absurd, body decoration, death, humor, video with tags , , , , on March 22, 2015 by shewalkssoftly

We’ve come to the final post of Strange Remains Week (I thought it was interesting, but my readership dropped by HALF for these posts only, so I gather others were not as entertained. Sorry!).

So let’s go out with a bang. Literally. Heavens Above Fireworks will shoot cremains into the air. This is great for anyone who is asked “What makes an ideal funeral” and replies “pyrotechnics.”

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We offer a variety of professional fired displays. These are planned to meet specific client requests and can be supported by other activities. We also offer other services including rockets for self firing incorporating funeral ashes and these can be supported by other fireworks to create your own mini display and we can provide the service for pets ashes too.

And speaking of bangs…did you know a human body can be turned into a bullet at Holy Smoke?

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The process of having cremated ash placed in live ammunition begins when you contact us. Once the caliber, gauge and other ammunition parameters have been selected, we will ask you (by way of your funeral service provider) to send approximately one pound of the decedents ash to us. Upon receiving the ashes our professional and reverent staff will place a measured portion of ash into each shotshell or cartridge.

The bottom of their website features this image, for no discernible reason.

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I’ve always had a thing for hourglasses (one day I’d like to have a nice one in my library). They make a rather poignant cremation statement, don’t they? In The Light Urns can do it.

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The Rings of Time Hourglass Keepsake Urn makes a statement due to it’s beautiful workmanship and size. It is a wonderful way to reflect on the sands of time and the time that you and your loved one shared.

Hourglass urns for ashes are made differently than a regular hourglass timer. The Rings of Time Hourglass Keepsake Urn is a keepsake and holds a small portion of cremains. They cannot be an exactly timed, due to the consistency of the cremains. However, they are a memorial like no other. The hourglass is the ultimate symbol of the passage of time, and will become an family heirloom, passed down for generations.

Memorial tattoos are nothing new, but using ashes in tattoo ink has gained a bit of ground (it’s only a “microscopic amount” so it’s more of a symbolic gesture).

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One tattoo artist made a video about the process:

As Mel Blanc said…that’s all folks.
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Strange Remains Week: 3D Heads and Textiles

Posted in absurd, death, humor, nature with tags , , , on March 21, 2015 by shewalkssoftly

This was one of the creepier offerings I came across: a 3D printed model of the deceased from Cremation Solutions to serve as an urn.

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Here’s a model of Obama, to show the “perfect likeness” (which to me, registers way more as uncanny valley):

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Life size models are also available.
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According to the site:
One benefit to these personalized urns is that there will never be a doubt about what they are. With a regular urn, you are undoubtedly asked questions about what it’s for, and that leads to a conversation about the deceased. People who are unfamiliar with the urn might mistake it for a vase or some other container and try to open it. With these urns, you can avoid those questions.

You may not, however, be able to avoid the question “WHY?”

A less jarring option is is the eco friendly textile coffin from Natural Legacy.

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This is an innovative coffin and something completely new for the alternative coffin market, but the use of wool in burials is nothing new. The Burial in Wool Act of 1667 made it a legal requirement for the dead to be buried in woollen shrouds in an attempt to boost the struggling woollen industry of the time. With the current social eco agenda, rising concerns on the environmental impact of burials and this innovative product, the industry has come full circle.

Strange Remains Week: Helium Balloons and Deep Freeze

Posted in absurd, death, humor with tags , , on March 19, 2015 by shewalkssoftly

The Eternal Ascent Society offers the release of your beloved’s cremains in a giant helium balloon. While this may appeal to the perpetually young at heart, I keep thinking of the moment the balloon inevitably bursts and casts a blizzard of death over the land. I have mild OCD, so I personally find being showered with dead people unpleasant.

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As stated on the bottom of the picture, they’re opening franchises. So if you were thinking of of buying into a Subway or Yogurtland but feel these options don’t involve enough corpses, you might not want to miss the investment opportunity.

Remember the urban legend of Walt Disney getting crynogenically frozen (bonus myth: that his body was stored under Pirates of the Caribbean)? Well, he was cremated in 1966, but YOU can be frozen by Cryonics.

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Cryonics is an experimental procedure that preserves a human being using the best available technology for the purpose of saving his/her life. We believe medical technology will advance further in coming decades than it has in the past several centuries, enabling it to heal damage at the cellular and molecular levels and to restore full physical and mental health.

This process poses some profound existential questions, so it’s actually worth looking through the site and forming your own opinion on the matter (you know, for when the topic inevitably comes up at parties…or is that only my circle of friends?).

My favorite part:
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Cryonics isn’t a dude in a fancy a beer cooler.

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Rob Cantor: “Shia LaBoeuf”

Posted in humor, video with tags , on March 6, 2015 by shewalkssoftly

Drop everything to watch this video. Trust me. This musical number is a feat of genius on so many levels. I had a blistering migraine yesterday, but I was still laughing out loud during pretty much the entire thing. I could draw you in with absurdist descriptions, but I think the performance should just speak for itself.

(Thank you, B!)

Weird Valentines

Posted in anatomy, art, humor, valentine's day with tags , , , , on February 14, 2015 by shewalkssoftly

I give you my heart…
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David Vargas

I’ve seen a lot of Nicholas Cage valentines, but never one with the expert coloring this one has. Those lips…hot pink…
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This isn’t a Valentine at all, but it’s fun.
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The perfect misanthrope cake.
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The only mustachioed volcano I’ve ever seen.
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Lest you think I forgot about the folks getting screwed over in a divorce at present:
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I could probably make a whole post about cards with some variation of this phrase:
valentinea

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And if you’re in the mood for some vintage Valentines, check out:
Vintage Valentines: Monsters and Undead
Vintage Valentines: Ghosts, Witches and Skeletons
Vintage Valentine Roundup: Masochistic, Murderous and Meaty

HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY!

Awkward Couple Photos

Posted in humor, photography, valentine's day with tags , , on February 13, 2015 by shewalkssoftly

To alleviate the awkwardness Valentine’s Day brings about for many of us, I offer a series of couples who are almost guaranteed to be more awkward than you are.

Easy, tiger.
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I can’t see anything in front of me except the afterimage of plaid, which is now burned into my retinas.

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This picture has everything: attitude, questionable posing, mixed animal prints, and a killer devotional subtitle.
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I know you’re probably tired of seeing all the parakeet bayonet photos online…but just in case…
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Listen, what you do with phallic fruit behind closed doors is your business, but nobody needs to see this.
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Is that a DRAGON in her hair?
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Awkward? Maybe. But I’d get a portrait like this is a heartbeat.
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Geeks in Love

Posted in geek, humor, music, valentine's day with tags , , , on February 12, 2015 by shewalkssoftly

We’re closing in on the day of the year that Hallmark has determined we should love each other. There are lots of standard hearts and flowers circulating the Interwebs right now, but here’s a tune for those of us whose tastes are a little…off center. This one is for my fellow geeks!  Celebrate your geek love.

Lyrics:
Nobody’s cool as we, nor quite as esoterically far out.
We’re so far out it’s creepy!
I don’t think they’ll ever get the groovy standards that we set for love,
but they’re not smart like we be.

They have no roses.
Subconsciously they envy us a lot.
They look down their noses and see a couple of dorks with more love than they have got!

When they see us holding hands, they wish that they were geeks in love.
And when they hear our favorite bands, they wish that they were geeks in love.
We rattle off our in-jokes while they wish that they were geeks in love.
And while we make each other smile, they wish that they were geeks in…

La la la,
la la la,
la-lubbidy da-diddy love.
La la la,
la la la,
ka-boominy whoah-nelly love.
La la la,
la la la,
ga-shibbidy-waffles-and-love.
La la la,
la la la, la love.

As far as I can tell, while other lovers go through hell,
we’ll know we’re too cool for damnation.
We may not be cutting edge, but we won’t take the mainstream pledge,
for we don’t need your admiration!

They may not show it, it doesn’t fit their made-up little roles.
They don’t even know it, but jealousy abounds within their souls.

When they see us on the street, they wish that they were geeks in love.
And when they hear us trick-or-treat, they wish that they were geeks in love.
As we lock arms and skip away, they wish that they were geeks in love.
And you can almost hear them say they wish that they were geeks in…

La la la,
la la la,
la-lubbidy-do-diddy-love.
La la la,
la la la,
fa-doobidy-ding-dong-love.
La la la,
la la la,
za-muppety-puppety-love.
La la la,
la la la,
sha-peppity-bismol-love.
La la la,
la la la,
a-bubbly-lava-lamp-love.
La la la,
la la la,
ma-spockity-nimoy-love.
La la la,
la la la,
da-ponkity-ponkity-love.
La la la,
la la la,
geekity-geekity-geeks in love.

Geeks in loooove.

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