Archive for humor

Weird Valentines

Posted in anatomy, art, humor, valentine's day with tags , , , , on February 14, 2015 by shewalkssoftly

I give you my heart…
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David Vargas

I’ve seen a lot of Nicholas Cage valentines, but never one with the expert coloring this one has. Those lips…hot pink…
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This isn’t a Valentine at all, but it’s fun.
Capture

The perfect misanthrope cake.
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The only mustachioed volcano I’ve ever seen.
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Lest you think I forgot about the folks getting screwed over in a divorce at present:
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I could probably make a whole post about cards with some variation of this phrase:
valentinea

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And if you’re in the mood for some vintage Valentines, check out:
Vintage Valentines: Monsters and Undead
Vintage Valentines: Ghosts, Witches and Skeletons
Vintage Valentine Roundup: Masochistic, Murderous and Meaty

HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY!

Awkward Couple Photos

Posted in humor, photography, valentine's day with tags , , on February 13, 2015 by shewalkssoftly

To alleviate the awkwardness Valentine’s Day brings about for many of us, I offer a series of couples who are almost guaranteed to be more awkward than you are.

Easy, tiger.
Tigre

I can’t see anything in front of me except the afterimage of plaid, which is now burned into my retinas.

Kitsch

This picture has everything: attitude, questionable posing, mixed animal prints, and a killer devotional subtitle.
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I know you’re probably tired of seeing all the parakeet bayonet photos online…but just in case…
Guns

Listen, what you do with phallic fruit behind closed doors is your business, but nobody needs to see this.
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Is that a DRAGON in her hair?
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Awkward? Maybe. But I’d get a portrait like this is a heartbeat.
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Geeks in Love

Posted in geek, humor, music, valentine's day with tags , , , on February 12, 2015 by shewalkssoftly

We’re closing in on the day of the year that Hallmark has determined we should love each other. There are lots of standard hearts and flowers circulating the Interwebs right now, but here’s a tune for those of us whose tastes are a little…off center. This one is for my fellow geeks!  Celebrate your geek love.

Lyrics:
Nobody’s cool as we, nor quite as esoterically far out.
We’re so far out it’s creepy!
I don’t think they’ll ever get the groovy standards that we set for love,
but they’re not smart like we be.

They have no roses.
Subconsciously they envy us a lot.
They look down their noses and see a couple of dorks with more love than they have got!

When they see us holding hands, they wish that they were geeks in love.
And when they hear our favorite bands, they wish that they were geeks in love.
We rattle off our in-jokes while they wish that they were geeks in love.
And while we make each other smile, they wish that they were geeks in…

La la la,
la la la,
la-lubbidy da-diddy love.
La la la,
la la la,
ka-boominy whoah-nelly love.
La la la,
la la la,
ga-shibbidy-waffles-and-love.
La la la,
la la la, la love.

As far as I can tell, while other lovers go through hell,
we’ll know we’re too cool for damnation.
We may not be cutting edge, but we won’t take the mainstream pledge,
for we don’t need your admiration!

They may not show it, it doesn’t fit their made-up little roles.
They don’t even know it, but jealousy abounds within their souls.

When they see us on the street, they wish that they were geeks in love.
And when they hear us trick-or-treat, they wish that they were geeks in love.
As we lock arms and skip away, they wish that they were geeks in love.
And you can almost hear them say they wish that they were geeks in…

La la la,
la la la,
la-lubbidy-do-diddy-love.
La la la,
la la la,
fa-doobidy-ding-dong-love.
La la la,
la la la,
za-muppety-puppety-love.
La la la,
la la la,
sha-peppity-bismol-love.
La la la,
la la la,
a-bubbly-lava-lamp-love.
La la la,
la la la,
ma-spockity-nimoy-love.
La la la,
la la la,
da-ponkity-ponkity-love.
La la la,
la la la,
geekity-geekity-geeks in love.

Geeks in loooove.

Desktop Goodies: 2/4

Posted in 80's, absurd, advertising, anatomy, anthropomorphic, art, Books, humor, medicine, oddities, robots, sea, skulls and skeletons, taxidermy, vintage with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 4, 2015 by shewalkssoftly

You’re being welcomed into this post by anthropomorphic hotdog with breasts.
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As far as I can tell, this is a real vintage ad. Probably one of the most jaw-dropping examples I’ve seen.
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Imagine this is what you’re really standing on.
Coffe

I prefer my tables without testicles.
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Don’t miss the other title by this author on the bottom.
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For “elegant women of refinement and taste.”
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Just your average note-wielding mouse on a lobster.
Lobster Jockey

I’m not sure what’s going on here. Is this a medical assistance device? Unless it’s equipped with some sort of pulley mechanism to lift bodies in need, I see very little purpose for lying on something LESS comfortable, a few inches above something designed for lying on.
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And now, in today’s installment of unappealing instructional material…Meet the man who can tell you how to lick pimples.
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Haunted…
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In conclusion, cats are the cure for everything.
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Story from North America

Posted in animation, humor, music with tags , , on February 2, 2015 by shewalkssoftly

I woke to this video in my gmail this morning. Brilliance. It’s got a kid with three front teeth, a giant spider, and a bearded patriarch in an unflattering undergarment whose nose (and at times, nipples) move independently of his body. Despite that description, it’s not as NSFW as it sounds. I think.

I now must resist the temptation to counter all “What if” arguments with “What if the world was made of pudding?”

Thanks, Casey!

GO SPORTS!

Posted in clothing, humor, wish list with tags , , on February 1, 2015 by shewalkssoftly

Since today is “Superbowl Day” (as I call it), I feel it’s appropriate to showcase this genius T-shirt. This is what I hear in my head, and have probably blurted out loud a few times, when fans are watching in my presence:

s1

Don’t get me wrong. I can be entertained by athletic events; I even know all the rules of tennis and most of hockey. But I believe I will fully comprehend the world’s collected works on theoretical physics before I “get” football.

Do you get football? I’m impressed.

s2

A close second favorite in Woot’s athletic section: Always Picked Last (there should be an ALWAYS PICKED FIRST (in spelling bees) shirt).
s3

Enjoy the Superbowl, if you’re watching!

GO SPORTS!

Thank you, Brian, for sharing this!

Desktop Goodies 1/22

Posted in absurd, advertising, antiques, art, comics, creatures, photography, satire, sci-fi, skulls and skeletons, vintage, you can't handle the cute with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 22, 2015 by shewalkssoftly

Yep, these are real birds…
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…not Tribbles with eyes.
trouble-with-tribbles

I wanted so much to believe this is an actual album, but sadly I don’t see it on Amazon or YouTube.
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Now THIS is music! I can almost hear their sweet, fruity harmonizing.
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1926 skull clock created by the German Oswald clockmaking workshop. They eyes rotate to tell the time.
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For maximum safety, place your child in a crib that appears to be a cross between a glass coffin and what magicians use to saw people in half.
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A unique abduction? Eye don’t know.
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MONSTER SOUP OF THE THAMES!
V0011218 An woman dropping her tea-cup in horror u

Never neglect your bowels.
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I wish this were part of a large “Things to Do With a Giant Head” photo collection. There are two fine suggestions here:
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The Shadow is a force, indeed.
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The challenges we rarely think of…
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