Archive for absurd

Strange Remains Week: Fireworks, Bullets, Hourglasses andTattoos

Posted in absurd, body decoration, death, humor, video with tags , , , , on March 22, 2015 by shewalkssoftly

We’ve come to the final post of Strange Remains Week (I thought it was interesting, but my readership dropped by HALF for these posts only, so I gather others were not as entertained. Sorry!).

So let’s go out with a bang. Literally. Heavens Above Fireworks will shoot cremains into the air. This is great for anyone who is asked “What makes an ideal funeral” and replies “pyrotechnics.”

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We offer a variety of professional fired displays. These are planned to meet specific client requests and can be supported by other activities. We also offer other services including rockets for self firing incorporating funeral ashes and these can be supported by other fireworks to create your own mini display and we can provide the service for pets ashes too.

And speaking of bangs…did you know a human body can be turned into a bullet at Holy Smoke?

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The process of having cremated ash placed in live ammunition begins when you contact us. Once the caliber, gauge and other ammunition parameters have been selected, we will ask you (by way of your funeral service provider) to send approximately one pound of the decedents ash to us. Upon receiving the ashes our professional and reverent staff will place a measured portion of ash into each shotshell or cartridge.

The bottom of their website features this image, for no discernible reason.

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I’ve always had a thing for hourglasses (one day I’d like to have a nice one in my library). They make a rather poignant cremation statement, don’t they? In The Light Urns can do it.

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The Rings of Time Hourglass Keepsake Urn makes a statement due to it’s beautiful workmanship and size. It is a wonderful way to reflect on the sands of time and the time that you and your loved one shared.

Hourglass urns for ashes are made differently than a regular hourglass timer. The Rings of Time Hourglass Keepsake Urn is a keepsake and holds a small portion of cremains. They cannot be an exactly timed, due to the consistency of the cremains. However, they are a memorial like no other. The hourglass is the ultimate symbol of the passage of time, and will become an family heirloom, passed down for generations.

Memorial tattoos are nothing new, but using ashes in tattoo ink has gained a bit of ground (it’s only a “microscopic amount” so it’s more of a symbolic gesture).

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One tattoo artist made a video about the process:

As Mel Blanc said…that’s all folks.
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Strange Remains Week: 3D Heads and Textiles

Posted in absurd, death, humor, nature with tags , , , on March 21, 2015 by shewalkssoftly

This was one of the creepier offerings I came across: a 3D printed model of the deceased from Cremation Solutions to serve as an urn.

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Here’s a model of Obama, to show the “perfect likeness” (which to me, registers way more as uncanny valley):

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Life size models are also available.
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According to the site:
One benefit to these personalized urns is that there will never be a doubt about what they are. With a regular urn, you are undoubtedly asked questions about what it’s for, and that leads to a conversation about the deceased. People who are unfamiliar with the urn might mistake it for a vase or some other container and try to open it. With these urns, you can avoid those questions.

You may not, however, be able to avoid the question “WHY?”

A less jarring option is is the eco friendly textile coffin from Natural Legacy.

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This is an innovative coffin and something completely new for the alternative coffin market, but the use of wool in burials is nothing new. The Burial in Wool Act of 1667 made it a legal requirement for the dead to be buried in woollen shrouds in an attempt to boost the struggling woollen industry of the time. With the current social eco agenda, rising concerns on the environmental impact of burials and this innovative product, the industry has come full circle.

Strange Remains Week: Helium Balloons and Deep Freeze

Posted in absurd, death, humor with tags , , on March 19, 2015 by shewalkssoftly

The Eternal Ascent Society offers the release of your beloved’s cremains in a giant helium balloon. While this may appeal to the perpetually young at heart, I keep thinking of the moment the balloon inevitably bursts and casts a blizzard of death over the land. I have mild OCD, so I personally find being showered with dead people unpleasant.

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As stated on the bottom of the picture, they’re opening franchises. So if you were thinking of of buying into a Subway or Yogurtland but feel these options don’t involve enough corpses, you might not want to miss the investment opportunity.

Remember the urban legend of Walt Disney getting crynogenically frozen (bonus myth: that his body was stored under Pirates of the Caribbean)? Well, he was cremated in 1966, but YOU can be frozen by Cryonics.

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Cryonics is an experimental procedure that preserves a human being using the best available technology for the purpose of saving his/her life. We believe medical technology will advance further in coming decades than it has in the past several centuries, enabling it to heal damage at the cellular and molecular levels and to restore full physical and mental health.

This process poses some profound existential questions, so it’s actually worth looking through the site and forming your own opinion on the matter (you know, for when the topic inevitably comes up at parties…or is that only my circle of friends?).

My favorite part:
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Cryonics isn’t a dude in a fancy a beer cooler.

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Desktop Goodies: 2/4

Posted in 80's, absurd, advertising, anatomy, anthropomorphic, art, Books, humor, medicine, oddities, robots, sea, skulls and skeletons, taxidermy, vintage with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 4, 2015 by shewalkssoftly

You’re being welcomed into this post by anthropomorphic hotdog with breasts.
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As far as I can tell, this is a real vintage ad. Probably one of the most jaw-dropping examples I’ve seen.
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Imagine this is what you’re really standing on.
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I prefer my tables without testicles.
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Don’t miss the other title by this author on the bottom.
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For “elegant women of refinement and taste.”
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Just your average note-wielding mouse on a lobster.
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I’m not sure what’s going on here. Is this a medical assistance device? Unless it’s equipped with some sort of pulley mechanism to lift bodies in need, I see very little purpose for lying on something LESS comfortable, a few inches above something designed for lying on.
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And now, in today’s installment of unappealing instructional material…Meet the man who can tell you how to lick pimples.
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Haunted…
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In conclusion, cats are the cure for everything.
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A Fish With an Accordion

Posted in absurd, art, oddities, vintage with tags , , , , on January 27, 2015 by shewalkssoftly

Today…a fish with an accordion. And a lotus flower. Very little information surrounds this mysterious vintage gem…but it deserves its own post.

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So there you have it.

Desktop Goodies 1/22

Posted in absurd, advertising, antiques, art, comics, creatures, photography, satire, sci-fi, skulls and skeletons, vintage, you can't handle the cute with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 22, 2015 by shewalkssoftly

Yep, these are real birds…
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…not Tribbles with eyes.
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I wanted so much to believe this is an actual album, but sadly I don’t see it on Amazon or YouTube.
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Now THIS is music! I can almost hear their sweet, fruity harmonizing.
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1926 skull clock created by the German Oswald clockmaking workshop. They eyes rotate to tell the time.
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For maximum safety, place your child in a crib that appears to be a cross between a glass coffin and what magicians use to saw people in half.
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A unique abduction? Eye don’t know.
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MONSTER SOUP OF THE THAMES!
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Never neglect your bowels.
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I wish this were part of a large “Things to Do With a Giant Head” photo collection. There are two fine suggestions here:
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The Shadow is a force, indeed.
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The challenges we rarely think of…
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Desktop Goodies 1/14

Posted in absurd, advertising, anthropomorphic, art, Books, craft, creatures, food, humor, nature, photography, sea, skulls and skeletons, vintage with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 14, 2015 by shewalkssoftly

How NOT to decorate your lobster. I call this Stairway to Hell.
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Gorgeous carving work.
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Enchanting…
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Intriguing…
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If only humans could leave behind the tangible structure of their own transformations to look back on.
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I love how one happy consumer claims that a tablet of soap whittled her waist from 62 to 48 inches.
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But some old ads EMBRACED a little junk in the trunk (how anyone thought the name “CHUBETTES” was a winner for a clothing line, I do not know).
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Tick tock…
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Adorable little skelly and her pet!
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This is amazing in so many ways. Was this mushroom an official mascot of some sort, or just a damn fine costume?
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This looks like something a child would paint in art class.
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Everybody dance now!
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Best search query of the week: “Why is Nicholas Cage on the cover of a Serbian Biology textbook?”
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